Have you been in this situation? You’re talking to your partner about your day, but you notice their attention keeps drifting —to their phone, the TV, or something else entirely. It makes you feel like your partner isn’t interested in what you have to say. You may bring up your frustration and realize your partner struggles with their ability to focus. If your partner has ADHD this may not be intentional and a symptom of their disorder. What can you do as a partner to address your feelings of neglect but also help your partner with their ADHD?
How having a Partner with ADHD affects your relationship
Short Attention Span
Your partner’s short attention span may make you feel undervalued or that your partner doesn’t care about what you have to say. In actuality, ADHD causes a lack of dopamine which decreases their ability to focus, this doesn’t mean they don’t value you and time together, but genuinely have difficulty focusing.
Impulsivity
You may feel left out by your partner because they make decisions rashly. A symptom of ADHD is impulsivity caused by a hormone imbalance. Your partner’s impulsive decisions may have a negative impact on their life—and these choices can also affect you and your relationship.
Mood Swings
If your partner has trouble regulating themselves and gets overstimulated easily, they may be short-tempered or shut down. Their sudden mood swings might leave you feeling concerned and unsure of how to respond.
Forgetfulness
ADHD affects how your brain stores information, sometimes leading to your partner misremembering or struggling to remember situations. This may cause you to feel like your partner doesn’t care about important dates or moments, while it may just be their ADHD.
How you can help your partner
Communication
Establishing an open channel of communication with your partner lets them feel safe to discuss when they may be struggling with their ADHD and ways that you can help. Also kindly making them aware of any habits that might be concerning you lets you both be on the same page. Remember it’s not you against each other but both of you working together to tackle the problem.
Patience
Being empathetic towards your partner's struggles with their ADHD will be important to building a safe relationship. Try to focus on their achievements and be patient with what might be challenging them.
Reminders
If your partner is forgetful, setting reminders for events or appointments may help them. This could be in the form of a sticky note, an alarm on their mobile phone, or a shared calendar.
Structure
Having a routine can help your partner if they struggle with being overwhelmed or keeping track of tasks. Having set days for certain chores or activities will help them feel less overwhelmed.
Professional help
Encouraging your partner to seek professional help can improve their quality of life and your relationship. If problems persist, seek therapy yourself or couples therapy to discover helpful strategies.
Your partner’s ADHD may affect their daily life, making tasks difficult. Understanding their struggle and trying to help while still communicating your needs will be important for a healthy and successful relationship. If you and your partner are ready to consider the support of a therapist call 205-579-9299 or online.
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